Aggravation
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: His greatest enemy could not even take a stand against the one who's tied to him with the bonds of blood. Crack-fic. Rated T for language.


Aggravation

_Just a quick oneshot for my good partner in cri-...friend, Kaida. :3 Not much could be said except to enjoy.~_

* * *

" And so I said to him, _You either cough up the keys to the Kyogremobile, or you can die, motherduckles._ And what does he do ? He gives me the keys. Heh. Never mess with an entrepreneuer, or whatever they call con-artists nowadays. "

A chorus of drunken laughter filled the bar. After nearly disbanding Team Aqua thanks to some stupid kid and his Pikachu, Archie was high on life and a pitcher of something foul. He was enjoying the sights and smells of the Hoenn club scene, dishing out fives and tens for booze and cigarettes whenever he pleased. Admin Shelly, who had been one of his most loyal followers during their glorious peak, warned him of potential enemies from Team Magma in hiding. Archie wasn't afraid, though. These "potential enemies" were nowhere in sight, and if Maxie wanted to screw him over with a knife or explody device, he was fine with that. He was forty-something, already lived the prime of his existence. No one could take that away from him.

He took a quick chug from his pitcher and led another round of laughter. A year had already passed since his failures with Kyogre. For the past few months he had enjoyed life to its fullest. Days would be filled with sleeping with and consuming of a half a bottle of Tylenol, while nights would be of enjoyment and handcuffs. Admin Shelly was beginning to get annoyed with him, telling him that he was being irresponsible. So what if the Team Aqua funds were dwindling at an abnormal rate ? He had all of the equipment and Pringles that he needled. And who cared if he had been arrested three times in the past month ? Judges could always be bribed with a little explicit smear. It was merely a matter of timing.

The cackles and chuckles continued as the hour passed. Archie allowed himself to let a smile creep onto his face. Hoenn could easily fall into his lap with a simple snap to his fingers. He just allowed it to be free for the wonderful people that enjoyed and adored his foolish ramblings. They were wonderful despite everyone else calling them bums and worthless. Maybe someday he'd offer to recruit them in Team Aqua, allow them to bask underwater like he had when he started the organization.

Or maybe he would just continue to drink and be merry. That worked for all of the Hoennese politicians.

Archie chose the latter and reclined against his crappy chair, sighing in relief. Some days it was better to just be lazy and allow villainry to take a backseat in the Toyota. Now if only Arceus would grant him that magical razor that he had been wanting since he grew facial hair. Life would be perfect.

Someone leaned on his shoulder, bouncing up and down with a ridiculous foreign guffaw. He could care less whether someone was on him, as long as they didn't go for the pockets or the personals. Even though he looked, acted, and smelled like a rugged criminal, he was actually a laid-back guy. Except when trying to dominate Kyogre and its offspring, of course. Nothing would spoil this night. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch, null, -

**_" ARCHIBAAAAAALD ! "_**

An olive that had been swirling around in Archie's cheeks for the past half-hour now decided to get lodged in his throat. He spat it out on the floor and wiped his lips, glaring at whomever called him the forbidden name like a Houndoom looks at a steak. She was a pale girl, probably a foreigner. At least, he was pretty sure that she was a girl. The side-ponytail was a big turn-off to femininity, and it seemed that her chest was deformed in the way that barely anything was sticking out from the holes.

Whatever the case, she was storming towards him at an alarming rate. And she used his forbidden name. Things couldn't have been too good if 'Archibald' was being thrown around in a sentence. Archie sunk down in his seat, but the attempt was futile. Within seconds the girl towered over him, a grisly expression painted on her face. It was only until he met her glare that he knew she was a girl, and more than that.

" _Misty ? _"

" 'Sup, _pops_ ? "

A hand reached for his floppy ear and twisted it like a pretzel. Archie fell off his chair and howled as Misty dragged him off towards the exit. The laughter which was once with him was now against him, slinking and twirling in all directions in a never ending abyss. He may have been a laid-back guy, but there were some who would never give him slack, especially when it was due to a decade of abandonment. And when abandonment loomed over you and tugged on your ear, it was pretty fucking scary. A small thought rose in Archie's head on the actual reason why he had moved to Hoenn in the first place. The others were used to his vagabond shenanigans, but not her, oh, no, she was beginning to grow more and more like him every day (minus the facial hair, of course). His carrot-topped pride and joy.

His daughter, Misty.

* * *

Archie buried his head in his hands while Misty threw stacks of papers around his mangled apartment. Beside him Shelly was cracking up in a fit of stifled laughter. His buzz was quickly disappearing, and he was forced to deal with the harsh reality of his gruesome home, along with his youngest child. True, she was a lot less snappish than most teenagers he had encountered in his lifetime, but then again he never met that many teenagers. She was indeed a lot like him now - water pokemon trainer, thrived in Cerulean, even had that violent twitch when provoked.

Sadly it was no laughing matter.

" Dad, how could you just live like a slob ? " Misty demanded, kicking a can of beer at the weekend and breaking some glass. It would be coming out of Matt's paycheck. " You can do so much better and you're just living in your own filth, good Giratina ! And ew, you're still wearing that outdated suede..."

" Hey, I don't care how dirty you call me ! " Archie snapped back. " Don't belittle the suede, it turns on the ladies ! "

Shelly let out a snort and began a long line of treacherous giggling. The man glowered at his admin. " Quit your witch cackling, woman, you don't count ! "

" Hmph. "

Misty gave Archie a disgusted look. She threw one of his dirty suedes at him, and the stench lingered against his nose. Obviously she wouldn't be bribed with mall trips and ripped-up fashion magazines. That stubborness was hard to tame, he all of people should know. " Well, Dad, I only came here to remind you of some stuff. Daisy and the others tend to forget, but I know as well as you do that you've been avoiding paying the monthly alimony for the past few months. "

Archie tilted his head. A throbbing pain hit right between his eyes. " Alimony ? "

" Uh, yeah. Our salaries are pretty comfortable but that still doesn't allow you to weasel your way out of this. Remember my gym leader induction ? "

" Oh, Arceus, don't you start that up again...."

" Well, I'm not about to let you stand around like a bum when you're supposed to be our father ! "

" Well, my funds are kinda shot to shit at the moment. Sorry to break it to you, kid. "

He allowed himself another small smile, but that was met with an equally wicked grin from the girl. Something in him made him shiver, unknowing to him. Misty placed her hands in her pocket and walked over to where he was sitting. Her grin grew larger. " Well, since we can't make a settlement I suppose I should tell you something, _Archibald. "_

Forbidden name again. Ru-roh. " What is it, Misty ? "

" Have you happened to meet an Ash Ketchum yet ? "

A lump formed in Archie's throat. " You mean that little prick who's getting in everyone's way like a diseased Democrat ? "

Misty's grin turned into a smirk, and she leaned over his ear with a triumphant gaze. " Someday he's going to be your son-in-law. "

_THUMP ! _Shelly rolled to the floor, tears flaking from her eyes. Eyes widening, Archie threw himself towards the liquor cabinet. Beer, vodka, scotch, even that messed-up herbal drink, anything would do. Misty placed her hands in her pockets again and gave him an innocent glance. " What's wrong, Dad ? I thought I already told you this. We'll be marrying in a week. "

**_" GOOD GIRATINA ON A STICKY PILE OF CHARMANDER GOO, _FUCK_ NO ! "_**

Down went the herbal drink. Shelly finally got a hold of herself and placed an arm around Archie's back. " Archibald, Archibald, you should know your daughter by now. She's sixteen. She's still too young for marriage. "

" . . . And why didn't you mention this ? "

" 'Cause you were still steamed with the Walrein incident last time I checked. "

Archie fell to his knees and threw the herbal drink at the broken window. Both girls grinned at him like a crazed Linoone. He just couldn't win.....

End


End file.
